The other day someone said to me, "If you keep working the night shift, you're going to come home and find your husband laid up with another woman. Men don't like their wives out the house". My response was something like, "And that would be fine. If my husband would leave me for trying to make an income for our family, then adios. I can do bad by myself". My income and I can go some other place. We don't need to be here with a pussy.
Maybe that sounds bad. But really, that's how I feel. I'm just not going to sit around in fear of some ridiculous scenario. Truthfully, I wouldn't want to be with a man who rationalized, "My wife is out working making money. Grrrrr. I can't keep my private parts under control. Grrrrr. I'm going to cheat on her when she goes to work. Grrrr. Me, me, me. It's all about me". To me that sounds like a pussy. Ok fine. It sounds like an irrational person who shouldn't be married. I'm unapologetic about my thoughts. I prefer to be with a man who would rationalize, "Obviously my wife would rather be home with me sleeping from 10p-6a. Her current job doesn't allow for that. She's happy. She enjoys being a nurse. She worked hard for her license. I'll see her in the morning and I hope one day she does get an ideal schedule". And then he would roll over and go to sleep like a normal person. And that's what Duane does. That's why I married him. Because we're on the same page. Because we value the same things. Each other being happy. Respecting each other. And not confusing feelings with facts. The fact is, I have a decent job. It pays some bills. But yes, sometimes I do wish I had different hours. But it's simply not possible right now. FEELINGS don't get bills paid.
I really couldn't take anyone seriously who quit their job because "My husband might cheat on me if I don't". I don't have time for that foolish fuckery. You feeling lonely at night= not enough reason to quit my job. Unless you have an income comparable to Jay-Z. At which point, I would certainly quit my job until I found a schedule that worked better for your feelings. We could sit around talking about your feelings all day, brainstorming ways to make you feel better. We can take a break and then do it again. Until then, I'll be at work. We have bills. I value my marriage. But who in their right mind quits their job "so my husband wont cheat on me". If a man is going to cheat, he's going to cheat. And I'm certainly not going to allow myself to believe my paycheck was the cause of it. Money is the root of all evil, but no.. some people are just lying dirty whore bags who shouldn't be married and my paycheck has nothing to do with that. But I certainly hope everyone has a paycheck when their whorebag pussy spouse cheats on them. I certainly hope everyone knows that anybody who loves you is going to say.. "Wait. Hold up. We're having some problems and I need to talk to you" before they go "talk about how lonely they are" to someone else in your bedroom.
Another time I was told, "You better start cooking more for that man or he'll leave. And I'm not talking about Hamburger Helper". And again, it would seem like I'm nonchalant. And let him leave. He can take all the pots and pans with him. But he better leave my Kitchen Aid mixer. I really couldn't entertain a husband who was upset about not having a meal on the table each day he got home. Not when I work full time with other stuff going on. Sometimes I cook. Sometimes Duane cooks. Sometimes McDonalds cook. Sometimes we eat cookies and milk because neither of us wants to get up. And neither us of feel cheated by life. Neither of us hold grudges towards the other.
I'm not saying what women should or shouldn't do. I'm saying all marriages are different. But to think the foundation of keeping a man is cooking every night, doing all his laundry and holding yourself back in your career because your hours don't align with your husbands (so omg omg I have to quit).. well, that may very well be the foundation of your marriage. And if that works for you? GREAT. You can invite me to your anniversary party and we can celebrate. Besides, I probably won't cook that night and Duane needs to eat. I hope you have carrot cake at the party. He likes that. Anybody can keep a man, but are you happy? Can you look yourself in the mirror each day with no regret?
I did not stand before my family and friends and make vows that mentioned pot roast, always doing laundry and only working a schedule similar to Duane's. My marriage is trust, loyalty, respect, HUSTLING to make a living for our family when we need to, concern and the downright understanding of.... LIFE IS BUSY. Sometimes you just have to eat a $5 foot long and smile. I have a foot long. You have a foot long. We have two feet of a delicious sandwich. Who cares if it was on a plate at 5PM when you got home. If we mix my lays and your sunchips together we have a delicious treat. And if you have sweet tea and I have lemonade.. We are WINNING. Just the fact that we are together. The fact that we are healthy, happy and alive. That is what we value. So don't make assumptions on what my husband wants or needs.
Life is good over here.
And my favorite picture of us.. Duane on Skype (live from Afghanistan) at my nursing school pinning. Turkey chops and green been casserole (or lack thereof) or making a living isn't going to break us apart. I do think it's funny nobody ever says, "Duane that woman is going to leave you if you deploy again". They seem him being lonely 4 nights a week, but not my months of it. (Granted Duane was lonely in Afghan too. But rational people know what I mean. Lonely is a normal emotion. Sometimes you have to be lonely to eat). I don't make dinner everyday or fold his laundry and suddenly, "Girl that man is going to leave you". It's OK for a man to accomplish things, but a woman should only accomplish them if she can have dinner on the table by 530P, do laundry and be home when her husband is??
Thank gosh I didn't marry your husband. Thank gosh I don't have your ideals. I'd surely be divorced. And apparently out on the street since I would have quit my job for his "feelings".